Dan Fogler


(Henry Miller Memorial Library, Big Sur, California)

I could have joined their tour.  Become some version of a spontaneous free-spirited light–unbound and unencumbered. I would have used a lot of drugs on that tour. I was offered five different kinds within the first thirty minutes of meeting the crew. I took a toke from Dan Fogler’s doobie as I contemplated the scenario, with six of the actors from the movie goading me.  After spending an evening with them Dan said, I can’t believe you’re just driving around California for no reason. That’s so cool.  I should have said HOW DOES THIS SURPRISE YOU?! YOU MAKE SUCCESFUL MOVIES FOR A LIVING/LIFESTYLE.

Long of the short, I said no. He said, If you change your mind, be here at noon tomorrow, or meet us in SLO. I’ll wait.

I  want so badly to be able to say, hey, you know that dude in the new Harry Potter movie?  I spent an entire Spring touring California with him. Now all I can say is, well, he invited me on their tour because he thought I was dope-shit (and rad).

Why did I say no? Because I told my friend I’d meet her in Ashland, Oregon. Because I’m not dope shit, I’m reliable.

I locked my keys in my car is some hole of a city where I think everyone owns a gun on my way to meet her. I had to pee real bad but was so scared that after my car was unlocked I got back in real quick and just held it for 150km till I got to a random rest stop that told me to watch out for rattlesnakes. I’ll take rattlesnakes any day over an American with a gun.

And then, as I was driving through Mount Shasta wondering if I should move to Northern Cali, I got stuck in construction for an hour. Not before my check engine light came on.

Do you know how it feels to be driving for eleven hours, only to have your check engine light come when you’re in a mountain range stuck in traffic? I don’t know anything about cars, but what if my check engine light was actually saying, YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR CAR BITCH! THE GUY WHO GOT YOUR KEYS FOR YOU WAS CRAY!!!!!

When I finally made it to Ashland, I waited in the University library for four hours because I couldn’t find my friend.I pretended I was from Ashland. I drank kombucha and thought a lot about Shakespeare, but in an ughhhh I hate it when all the tourists come to town just to see Shakespeare. Like this isn’t even England.

I guess it was an okay driving day, all in all.

And anyways, it would have been super uncool of me to stand-up my friend. I was her ride back to Canada.

But sometimes, sometimes I dream of that other life I could have lived, that could have been me.

I could be so fucking cool and connected right now.

I’m not cool. At all. There are zero things cool about me.

I’m sitting in my sister’s basement with her cat Jasper sleeping beside me. Earlier in this post, he was actually giving me a back massage.

It was weird. I think he mistook my back cloaked in this sweater I found in a suitcase as a scratching post. Fair Jasper, super fair.

-just another G from C-Town who coulda been somebody cool-looking on Instagram.


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